Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
