I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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