plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
