When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
