my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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