i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
