I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
