my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
