i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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