thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
