You're completely useless in the revolution.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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