??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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