We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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