these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
