She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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