She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
