He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
