Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
