What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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