I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
