they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
