Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
