just survived the first fart of the relationship.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
