you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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