Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
