He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
