and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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