Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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