listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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