wrigley field is MILF paradise
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
