I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
