As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
