My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
