Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
