It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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