He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
