she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
