at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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