hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
