I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
