Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
