I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
