so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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