I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
