Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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