Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
