dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
