I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
