i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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