you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
