I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sober January is a disaster.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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