you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize