kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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