you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ketchup is God's man juice
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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