well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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