didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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