Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
