My cat gives me a boner
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sext me about skeletons
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
