Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
