I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
