i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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