Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
