the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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