He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
