we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
